Dear Craigslist,

I love you. Don’t change a thing. I don’t want to see background colors, styled text, flashy graphics, or anything. You do a wonderful job at what you do. My only complaint is that there is no justice. It’s just an open area for scammers to take advantage of unsuspecting people. Having been one of those people, I care about all the old and naive people that use your site. I once lost $600 on Amazon because of a sweet deal on a laptop. Why I thought that it would be a good idea to use Western Union and not their wonderfully secure system is beyond me. It was my appetite for punishment, probably. Anyhow, back to you. Any time I buy something off your site, I feel like I am going to be stabbed and robbed simultaneously when I go to get the item. I once bought a Wii of some dude with the worst skin condition I’ve ever seen. Why don’t people like that wear gloves? Dude was gross.

Since I have been taken advantage of before, I find myself with the necessary “street smarts” to take care of myself when in “the net”. If there was some sort of central meeting place, that would be awesome. Like a Craigslist center of commerce where all deals went down, so when some creepy pedophile wants to sell me old XBox games, we have to make the deal in the same dark, cold, damp office room that others are buying old tires and Beenie Babies. I just like having people around me when I am making my deals. I’m not a huge fan of things that fell of a truck. I mean, don’t get me wrong. If I knew a guy I would be all over it. I’ve got to stretch my money out as far as it can go and it’s strange how things that are illegal are so much less. Seems like it should be more as there is no danger with buying things from stores. Must be the overhead.

In closing…Craigslist, I will continue to use your services, but please do something about the vultures and dudes with wicked eczema. Maybe a glove sale. I know a guy.

—-Dictated but never sent—-