Mike Literman

In the flesh!

Failures’ Union – “West Coast NY” from eric ayotte on Vimeo.

Please to enjoy.

We just got snow and it’s sticking hard. This is for those who can’t park and are afraid to drive in the snow/ice. Get snow tires and shut up.

Constance: did you shave yet?

me: No. Sorry.

Constance: it affects my sanity, my gait, my appetite, my reason to be on this earth with purpose. anyone can hillbilly looking children, it takes good genes and lineage to make good looking offspiring. Otherwise, you just might as well stop washing behind your ears and pull every second tooth out of your mouth-cavity.

me: I’ll see what I can do, in the meantime, i will just grow this beard.

Constance: a bit of guilt might help. 1. It is Thanksgiving, and I would be thankful for looking at your pretty face. 2. Your grandmother is going to be 82 and I don’t want to shorten her life-span by looking at that hay field on your Hatfields and McCoys man-scape.

me: 1. Thank you
2. I don’t understand your references so I don’t understand your point. I am only to assume that it’s bad as you clearly have nothing to say about my sweet beard.

Constance: I do know that Uncle David asked Grandma if she had seen it and she said no why, where Uncle David preceded to describe the mis-shapen follices that you call a beard, thus causing her to be worried for your sanity.

me: I’m clearly more sane than I have ever been. I’m in a good place, hence the beard. If I was clean shaven, I would mean that I have to impress someone to get what I want. Since I have the beard, it means that everything is alright, and I don’t need to impress anyone to get what I want.

Constance: but you also stand the chance of walking down the street and people offering directions to the Friends of the Night locations.

me: Does that exist? I mean, all my neighbors know me, and now they all know me as a bearded man. I should start talking to kids and if they are frightened, I think about shaving. Kids love candy and attention more than they are scared of beards.

Constance: you could have dressed up as a creepy old guy for Halloween by blacking out some teeth and sticking various colored safety pops in your beard.

me: I could have. It would have been a better costume than a cynical kid. I have been getting food in there accidentally.
Constance: thats the first sign of sanility. Trust me I watched it happen every Friday for years. No names needed. You should get it shaved off at a barber. I heard theres nothing like a barber shave, according to my dad. He loved the hot towels.

me: I would actually prefer names. Who did you see every Friday?

Constance: Grandma Luba?

me: Ah, her. Right. I don’t think that my beard and an 80 year old woman have much in common. I’m youthful where as she was just upset because she thought she deserved everything.

16mm from youthattack00 on Vimeo.

With the addition of the killer Motorola Droid, you will now be getting Twitter updates from your favorite dude ever. That would be me. You’re welcome.