Mike Literman

Have I ever told you what I think a day in the life of the homeless is all about? Probably not as glamorous as a day in the life of, say, Snoop Dogg or that dude from Good Charlotte even though that dude doesn’t deserve what he’s got because if he even listened to his band he would say, “Oh man, Mike was right. We are terrible and wish that we were MxPx circa ’98”. Here is what I think the homeless are up to…

Cue the sun. It’s early. Very early. More early than you and I get up because we don’t start out our day of work and the daily grind, which, in my opinion, should be a phrase only if you are actually grinding something as your job. Anyhow, it’s morning. All the homeless in the city meet at an undisclosed location for a meeting. What is this meeting about? I’ll tell you, because in this made up scenario I know all. The homeless meet up to discuss which outlandish stories they will tell to everyone throughout their day.

So there is a hat. Let’s make it an old mesh Charlotte Hornets hat for fun, and because we love that bee. All of the sayings are in that hat on pieces of paper. The king or queen homeless person holds on to these pieces of paper so they don’t get lost. Heaven forbid they don’t get lost. So on these pieces of paper at things like:

• I left my baby in the car and need $5 to get gas so that I can drive back home to get my watch so that I can sell it for food for my mother.
• I’m out of gas and my brake lines are broken. Can I get a couple bucks for the train.
• I missed the bus and need money to get back to town

…and so on.

So they get on their individual ways. Some go uptown, some go downtown, some go under a bridge because it’s raining and four o’clock is way too early for anyone to be awake.

Seven thirty rolls around and we are all woken up, showered, clothed, fed, and out the door. We go to our cars, or the bus, or the train and they are right there with us, giving us their morning schtick. The continue this on into the night. One phrase…all day…non-stop.

Now there are the homeless people that just yell or mumble. Those are the people that missed the meeting or are trying out their improvisation skills, you know, like Drew Carrey.

So it’s night time. The sun has set and people are leaving the streets and approaching their pillows. The homeless have one last stop.

They meet at another undisclosed location and discuss how the day went and divvy up their earnings, paperclips, loose cigarettes, and loose french fries and agree where the next mornings meeting will be.
And then the world is asleep until tomorrow.

Can you believe this place? No, not the space between you and your computer, I mean this economically broken down state of affairs that we live deep inside of. All around me; layoffs and job cuts. It doesn’t help that on my way to and from work, NPR is telling me how many thousands of people are out of jobs. Everyone knows it. I don’t know why I mention it. You know it. The days are getting longer and it’s exhausting. I feel like I work 45 hour days when I get home. I wish that I worked 45 hour days sometimes. Not now, but when things are good. Have you ever done that? Worked a super productive long day? Sometimes long nights are awesome when you’ve got a solid group of kids there in the pit with you.

Recently I’ve been talking to a friend about doing a freelance site and I’m legitimately excited. I would love to work an overnight if I feel like I was getting something out of it instead of getting countless minor tasks done. There’s nothing better than having those days where you work and get a whole bunch of things done and then go into work late the next day because, face it, you deserve it. It just makes you feel good.

I realize that this post isn’t really my style, but these are serious issues that face us every day and you’re not alone, trust me.

What does this mean to you? A lot actually. This will be my new baby and you will learn why it is that people can’t help but love me. Is that selfish? Probably. Is that conceited? Probably moreso. But seriously, let’s get this site off on the right foot. Let me know what you think. I know that it’s bare bones now, but we’ll get there. Don’t you worry your pretty little heads.